Mending a cold shoulder & link up

May 17, 2016

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Before I get on the topic of cold shoulders (more than one) let me start with a few reflections. It is hard to believe that tomorrow I will be 31. It seems like yesterday that I turned 30. For months now I contemplated doing a giveaway or group giveaway or some fun series to celebrate my birthday here on the blog but I kept coming back to keep.it.simple.

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So far this year there have been good and some sad changes in our family but I am still counting my blessings and thankful to God for holding us through and I thank Him for all that He has done and will do.

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I have had my eye on the cold shoulder trend for awhile now and decided that for mothers day (rough weekend) that I would shop a bit because mothers day is always the perfect time to get clothing and because I was stressed but I came out good and got this cold shoulder top on clearance at Target for $13. After wearing it two times a hole developed in the seam in the back which got bigger throughout the day of my second time wearing it. The top will need mending badly before it can be worn out in public again.

It is a shame to get an item you love and have expectations on only to be disappointed right away. Which brings me to my rant about how stressful mothers day was.

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I am grateful for being a mother and for my own mother…heck even my only surviving grandmother however much I felt hurt by her. You see I finally took my children to visit her (my grandmother) in a nursing home, as a mothers day gift. She had never met them (as she lives in another state and been in poor health for years) and since there was a scare on her health recently I felt it was time to take the kids to visit her, before they never got to meet her. I had expectations that she would love them, want to hug them or something loving.

But nothing. She was rude the entire time. She criticized and doubted my parenting and was cold. There were no hugs or smiles, no “I am glad that you are here or have come,” no “you children are cute” she didn’t even ask them a thing. Β I came away from my trip numb, crying even, because I felt my expectations were let down. Gee grandma, thanks for the cold shoulder (no pun intended). I asked my dad (who went with me, as my hubby stayed home sick) how she could be so cruel and he only shrugged it away and mentioned that perhaps she hadn’t been around children in so long and that children made her nervous. In her parenting days children were meant to be seen not heard. My dad received spankings if he even moved much in public as a child (which is silly).

I guess I came away from that trip realizing that we can love something so much and have expectations but only to have it torn, like this shirt. It takes a ton of mending to be comfortable with it again in this situation and as well as with the hole in the top.

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In hindsight I like to think that this whole situation could bring about forgiveness, a forgiving granddaughter such as myself and mended top.

What expectations have you had lately and were they met? Do you own a cold shoulder top and how do you style it?

Outfit details: Cold Shoulder dress: Target, similar//Hat: similar//Flared Jeans: similar//Mules: Pink Blush Boutique,similar//Necklace: The Mint Julep Boutique, similar

Now for “Bloggers Who Have Inspired Me” link up

Rachel of Garay Treasures blog:

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Rachel is a former full time preschool special education teacher turned full time stay-at- home mom of four children with a passion for substitute teaching and blogging at Garay Treasures on the side. Garay Treasures is a fashion and lifestyle blog with some added posts on faith and everyday treasures. Rachel loves drinking several cups of coffee a day (hot or iced), blogging, and reading and playing with her children. You can follow Rachel by bloglovin, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook or Pinterest.

Now on to the Featured 5 from last week:

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This yellow little dress on Sofia is perfect for Spring and Summer and reminds me of someone who is a yellow dress fanatic (in case you are reading this Cassie, I can totally see it on you). Read post here.

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Laura looks amazing in this dressed up casual look, plus those lace up heels-LOVE! Check it out here.

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I love reading about the adventures of Eve through school and life as she reminds me of a younger me. Check out her celebration post here.

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I learned a few things about keeping my skin healthy during the warm weather months here. Great list and read.

 

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I know many of my readers are adult coloring book fanatics so while I don’t personally partake in this hobby I thought many of you would appreciate this from an artist firsthand. See her recommendations here.

Now it is your turn, please follow the rules below and enjoy!

1). Please link up recent posts and include the link up button or post this URL link back on your blog. The posts can be about fashion, DIY projects, recipes, inspiration, tips, etc. *If you link up other link ups or giveaways please be sure you share this link up on your link up post to share the blog love and I will be sure to link up to yours. Also please follow me in the below social medias and let me know how you are following and I will follow back. Thank you!

2). Please follow your host: Rachel of Garay Treasures either by Bloglovin, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter or all. Comment below and let me know how you are following so I can follow back.

3). Stop by and check out the other bloggers who have linked up and be inspired.

4). Have fun! Comment below if you have any questions! Thanks for linking


To link up it would be great if you linked my button to your post that you link up. Get button code below:

Garay Treasures

 

 

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  • Sheree May 17, 2016 at 12:13 am

    Happy Early Birthday! I’m sorry to hear that your mother’s day was stressful due to tension from your grandma. Growing up, I never really felt close with my only living grandpa yet he was so affectionate with my younger cousin and I’ve come to accept that there will always be favoritism whether I like it or not and just let it go. Hope you have a great week.

    xo Sheree
    http://poshclassymom.com
    IG: @poshclassymom

  • Sofia - Stylishly In Love May 17, 2016 at 12:16 am

    First of all, you look gorgeous! You are totally rocking the cold shoulder trend, which is my favorite trend for the summer! And thank you so much for featuring me! What a wonderful surprise! I love participating in this link-up.

    Sofia

    stylishlyinlove.blogspot.com

  • Sofia - Stylishly In Love May 17, 2016 at 12:17 am

    First of all, you look gorgeous! You are totally rocking the cold shoulder trend, which is my favorite trend for the summer! And thank you so much for featuring me! What a wonderful surprise! I love participating in this link-up.

    Sofia

    stylishlyinlove.blogspot.com

  • Tiina L May 17, 2016 at 1:33 am

    Happy birthday, Rachel! I’m sorry to hear your visit to your grandmother was a disappointment. Some people are just rude or mean, and it probably has nothing to do with you. It took me years to realise that a family member of mine was just venting their own frustration on me and it wasn’t anything I had done. I just wished I’d understood it earlier, instead I was constantly miserable and trying to please and nothing I did was good enough. Sometimes the problem really is with the other person and there’s nothing we can do about it. People only change if they want to change.

  • Jessica May 17, 2016 at 1:48 am

    I’m sorry that you had a stressful Mother’s Day. But I think you did the right thing by visiting her even though she didn’t seem grateful. I hope that you have an amazing birthday! I recently turned 31 – it’s not that bad πŸ˜‰
    ~Jessica
    Jeans and a Teacup

  • Ingrid @ Fabulous and Fun Life May 17, 2016 at 2:15 am

    As people become elderly I think they often become less flexible and less tolerant. Take comfort in knowing you did the right thing in taking your children to visit your grandmother for their sake’s as well as hers.

    Re the cold shoulder I love the cold shoulder trend in clothing! I’ve recently ordered a jumper (Australia is going into winter soon) with the cold shoulder.

  • Chichi May 17, 2016 at 4:05 am

    I can totally relate to your storey, I have been let down by expectations numerous times and been miserable because of it. Love the top hope it is mendable.
    http://www.thestyletune.com

  • Irene Papadopoulou May 17, 2016 at 6:04 am

    love the top! so beautiful pictures Rach! Thank you so much for hosting the link up.
    Always when I feel your posts I feel so inspired! Thank you for that
    Irene
    http://www.thedailylace.com

  • Michelle May 17, 2016 at 6:29 am

    Rachel, I’m so sorry that your visit with your grandmother did not go as you expected. It leaves a sting for sure. Sometimes all we can do is try and move on because we can’t change others. Thank you for the shout out on my simple tips for skin care. I’m glad you were able to get something out of it. Appreciate the party and the top is adorable. I know all about seams ripping after one or two wears too. It is frustrating, especially if you are one who dislikes sewing as much as I do.

  • Elle Spann May 17, 2016 at 6:31 am

    aww, I’m sorry it was stressful. Unmet expectations are the worst. Love the cold shoulder/ off the shoulder trends right now!! Happy birthday πŸ™‚
    elle
    Southern Elle Style

  • Andrea @ Living on Cloud Nine May 17, 2016 at 6:34 am

    Cold Shoulder CUTIE!! Happy Day before your birthday sweetness!! You look so pretty and you’re so beautiful on the inside too!!

  • Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom May 17, 2016 at 6:35 am

    Sorry to hear about your visit with your grandmother. I always tend to think harsh people soften over time, but I guess this is not the case with her. πŸ™ At least you tried, otherwise you would have never known. I’m also sorry about your cold shoulder top! I’ve had a couple of items I’ve purchased lately let me down, a hole in some running shorts (easy to fix) and a tiny little hole in a shirt I LOVE that I got from the outlets (and its a good brand!). Anyway, it happens I guess…

    Carrie
    curlycraftymom.com

  • Kathrine Eldridge May 17, 2016 at 6:43 am

    Love this off the shoulder top! The color looks so pretty on you. Thanks for the link up!

    http://www.kathrineeldridge.com

  • Shelbee on the Edge May 17, 2016 at 6:50 am

    I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience especially on Mother’s Day. But you are an amazing mother and a fantastic blogger and clearly just a really good person with a big heart and a sweet soul. And while I personally am not into the cold shoulder trend, you look absolutely adorable in this top. I love it with the boot cut jeans and your super cute peep toe booties! So definitely mend that hole so you can wear this fabulous shirt on repeat!

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

  • Mimi May 17, 2016 at 7:09 am

    Great look on you! Thank you for hosting us each week.
    Mimi
    http://inmyprimetime.blogspot.com

  • Marta May 17, 2016 at 7:20 am

    This is such a cute cold-shoulder top on you & hope you have a Happy B-day!!
    Marta
    http://www.sweatersstripesandsweets.com

  • Jill May 17, 2016 at 7:24 am

    I’m sorry your visit with your grandmother didn’t go well. Even though she didn’t show it, I’m sure she appreciated you making the trip and meeting your kids. You put the effort in so you know you did the right thing and won’t have regrets.

    It drives me crazy when I have a piece I love and it starts falling apart. Hopefully the top will be an easy mend! Happy Birthday and have a wonderful day!

    Jill
    Doused In Pink

  • Celia M. - High Heeled Life May 17, 2016 at 7:31 am

    You are rocking this look!! Loving the personality the hat adds …. thank you for hosting.

  • Red Tag Chic Los Angeles May 17, 2016 at 7:58 am

    Cute look Rachel! Come check out my latest collab with L.A.-based TOBI – I’m sure you’ll love it too! Happy Tuesday!

    Rebecca
    http://www.redtagchiclosangeles.com

  • Shannon May 17, 2016 at 8:01 am

    Aw so sorry to hear about your trip to see your grandma didnt go as planned! πŸ™ I work with the elderly and sometimes the dementia process can really effect their behavior in such a negative way and completely change their personalities! It is so sad! But I am sure if she was in her right mind she would be so excited to see you and you kids! On another note! Love this top on you! The open shoulder is so cute!

    <3 Shannon
    Upbeat Soles

  • Becky @ bybmg May 17, 2016 at 8:37 am

    Happy early birthday! Was a bummer of a visit to your grandmother. πŸ™ This top looks so awesome on you! Hope you can mend it and wear it again!

  • Shea May 17, 2016 at 8:49 am

    I love the top (SUCH a bummer about the tear!) and the story that you told that went right along with it. I’m sorry about your grandma, but I think you did the right thing in letting your kids meet her. At least you’ll never regret that they didn’t get to, even if it didn’t go the way you wanted.
    Also, so glad you picked Laura’s look to feature–that was one of my favorites of hers, I loved that look so much!

  • Leah May 17, 2016 at 8:55 am

    Happy birthday! I’m so sorry for the open wound your gam’s visit left. Some doors are just meant to be shut – although, that is something I struggle with, as a Christian (and I’m sure you do, too.) Hugs!!

    xx Leah / http://www.eatpraywearlove.com

  • Teresa May 17, 2016 at 9:02 am

    Sorry to hear about your grandmother. Sometimes you can’t understand people’s motivations behind why they act the way they do. She may have been taking out her frustrations about life in general on you, even though you did not deserve it. You made a nice gesture toward her anyway. Maybe your family can plan a special day for you sometime soon since Mother’s Day didn’t go well. I like the cold shoulder shirt trend, even though I don’t personally own a cold shoulder shirt. πŸ™‚

  • jodie filogomo May 17, 2016 at 9:12 am

    You are very wise Rachel…
    jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

  • Elise May 17, 2016 at 9:24 am

    Oh Rachel, I am sorry to hear that your visit with your grandmother did not turn out how you quite expected. I have found that often times if I find myself in a situation where I had expectations and they were not met, that I only have control over myself and my feelings in the situation. Your forgiveness towards her is more about you and what a strong person you are. I am glad you were able to forgive and move past, as well as mend your cold shoulder top. You look fantastic. Such a fun look.

    xx, Elise
    http://www.sparkleandslippers.blogspot.com

  • Emily Green May 17, 2016 at 9:37 am

    My heart hurts for you, Rachel! I can only imagine how heartbreaking that would be, especially when you have such high hopes for it to be a great experience for your own kids. But I love your response, to see it as an opportunity to show forgiveness- I can guarantee that will make the biggest difference for your kids! I hate this top has a hole, because it looks so cute on you!
    Emily
    Darling, Dearest

  • Jennie May 17, 2016 at 9:53 am

    You look very pretty in this entire look and I enjoyed seeing your take on the cold shoulder trend. I am really sorry to hear about your visit with your grandmother – it was heartbreaking to even read about, so I cannot imagine how hurtful it must have truly been for you. Many hugs to you, friend.

  • Jessica May 17, 2016 at 9:55 am

    Happy early birthday. Sorry you had a rough Mother’s Day.

  • amy May 17, 2016 at 10:02 am

    Sorry to hear about your Mother’s Day. Try not to take what your grandmother did too personally. A huge part of it is just the aging process and they often aren’t even aware of how they are hurting others. I really hate going to nursing homes for this reason. Movies like to portray going to nursing homes as a fun, joyful experience, but I’ve always had experiences more like what you have described. The patients are often hurting themselves, sad that they have grown old and are now living in a home, and they become bitter and hurtful. The best thing you can do is pray for her so that you don’t become bitter. The top your wearing is really cute, but the tear you described is one reason I don’t like to buy clothes at Walmart or Target. I’ve always had problems with zippers breaking or other issues. Happy Birthday!

  • Amy Arnold May 17, 2016 at 10:12 am

    I’m sorry about the hole in your top and the tough visit! Family can be so tough sometimes.

    Amy Ann
    Straight A Style

  • Lara May 17, 2016 at 10:35 am

    So sorry to hear that your visit didn’t go as planned. I know how frustrating it can be when family members are indifferent towards you. It really stinks

  • Laura May 17, 2016 at 11:31 am

    I am sorry to hear that having your kids meet their grandma wasn’t all you’d hoped it would be. That is always so hard when loved ones let us down. I hope you are able to fix your top, too! It’s adorable on you! Thanks so much for the feature!

  • Ashley May 17, 2016 at 11:44 am

    I’m a fan of the off-the-shoulder/cold shoulder trend, for sure!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

  • Adri May 17, 2016 at 11:49 am

    It’s hard when things don’t work out how you think they will! Your top still looks so cute and I love the scenery!
    xo Adri
    http://www.adrilately.blogspot.com

  • Blaire May 17, 2016 at 1:26 pm

    I am so sorry that you had a stressful Mother’s Day and that you were so disappointed in your visit with your grandmother. I hope that you have a better Mother’s Day next year!
    xo, Whitney and Blaire
    Peaches In A Pod

  • Petite Silver Vixen May 17, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    It’s so hard when we don’t receive the love and appreciation we hope for from family members. However, I applaud your effort. If she’s not able to even meet you half way at least you know that you offered an olive branch. You were brave to try and the effort is what is important. Now, you need to look after your own family and yourself to heal and move on.
    I hate it when things are so poorly made that you have to mend them within a few wears. Especially because I can’t sew for toffee! But the top does look lovely so hopefully a little sewing and it will be as good as new.

    http://petitesilvervixen.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Sheela Goh May 17, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    I am very very sorry to read this, Rachel. It is something I know too well. My paternal grandmother did not like girls. Period. She was very nasty to her own daughters and treated daughters-in-law/grand-daughters truly like dirt. She was very old-fashioned and superstitious, and once, tried to “prevent” my 13 month old cousin from being left-handed by hitting her hand, repeatedly, with a water bottle. It’s a ridiculous superstition in Asia that being leftie is a curse, both for you and those around you. Needless to say, we did not get along. She made life very miserable for my mum and I because, with my dad being the oldest, she stayed with us for many years. In as much as I would like to say this story had a happy ending, it did not. When she passed away, she still acted as though we did not exist, and when forced to, would spit her words out to us. It was very odd and completely irrational but sometimes, that’s just how people are. We try and try, and they break every olive branch we extend. I gave up by the time I was in my teens. I just didn’t think it was worth the effort anymore. You have a bigger heart, Rachel πŸ™‚ xoxo

  • Lisa Morin May 17, 2016 at 3:11 pm

    I’m sorry that you felt hurt and I completely understand. When others are not kind to me I always remind myself that they are living in their own hell and it has nothing to do with me. Thier actions and opinions are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. The more that we work on ourselves, the less that other people’s opinions will affect us XOXO…. PS. You look beautiful πŸ™‚

    #LINKUPWITHLISA @ http://www.beauty101bylisa.com/2016/05/linkupwithlisa-49-love-your-body.html

  • JoDitt May 17, 2016 at 3:40 pm

    What a great cold shoulder analogy! Unmet expectations can be disheartening. But forgiveness brings freedom.

    Thanks for featuring my post on Adult coloring supplies!

  • Rachel May 17, 2016 at 8:43 pm

    Gorgeous look! love that cold shoulder on you!

    http://chicglamstyle.com

  • Eve Seraphina May 17, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    Thank you so much for featuring me! This is the first time I’ve ever been featured by someone else. πŸ™‚

  • Jess May 18, 2016 at 10:52 am

    Rachael,
    I am sorry to hear about your trip to see your grandmother. There are those that do not experience joy or can often reflect their feelings onto others. It is a shame that she wasn’t glad to see you and your kids. I had a grandmother that was never nice as well.
    You can commend yourself for trying and making the effort. Some things are not in our control. On the fashion note, I love the dark denim color on you, the cold shoulder look suits you!

  • Ginger Wroot May 18, 2016 at 12:03 pm

    I think this open shoulder look is really flattering on you! Thanks for hosting!
    –G
    http://gingerwroot.com

  • Lanae Bond May 18, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    Happy Birthday ! It is so nice of you to be giving something away on your birthday! Love your top.

  • Kelsie May 20, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    Love your off-shoulder look! And don’t even worry about turning 31, you look great and getting older just means you are getting wiser and bettering yourself!

    -Kelsie
    http://www.designlifediaries.com

  • Susan Belisle May 20, 2016 at 11:18 pm

    Love the look! And…forgiveness is always in style. 😊

  • Tif May 21, 2016 at 10:35 pm

    Rachel, I read this earlier this week but I think I was at work and didn’t get the chance to comment when I was dropping my link. One, you should take the shirt back to Target and see if there was one more left to swap it out with. Target is usually pretty good about those sorts of things. It looks amazing on you so I hope you find a solution.

    And how disappointing with your grandma:( I’m so sorry to hear about how the visit went. Prayers, friend.

    Tif
    http://www.brightonabudget.com

  • Ada May 27, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    I am so sorry you and your grandma was so mean and rude to you and your children and showed no emotion. Does she have dementia and doesn’t remember anything? The metaphore between this life event (visiting her) and the cold-shoulder tunic that got a hole was a great parallelism in this post – nice writing. I do love the cold-shoulder style on you and I have always thought bohemian styles suit you very much. It is a good thing you didn’t pay too much for this piece.

    I hope you still had a great Mother’s day. I know you have a kind, big heart and will forgive your grandma one day. Also, thanks to you I now know of that blogger who is a coloring-book artist – something I want to get into, lately. πŸ˜‰

    P.S. I am glad you liked my feature on your Blue Birthday Dress, yesterday! =)

  • Stephanie June 3, 2016 at 6:59 am

    Wonderful post. Sorry to hear you going through all of that. Your outfit is on point. Love the boho vibe. Beautiful pictures. I am in love with adult coloring books. My son(he’s three) colors in them with me. We use crayola for coloring, copic markers are too expensive to have him drawing on everything. Lol. And they are hard to wash off .